I didn't believe my partner had cheated until his lover described his bum
DEAR DEIDRE: A woman my partner used to work with sent me a string of Facebook messages claiming they’d had an affair and as evidence she detailed the birthmark on his left buttock.
My partner denied her claims at first and I so wanted to believe him, but then she described the dark moon-shaped birthmark on his bum.
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Even he couldn’t deny he’d been playing away then.
He worked with her over five years ago and apparently whenever they used to see clients in Scotland they would book a double room and spend the whole trip together.
I am 32 and my partner is 34. We have been together 12 years and have two boys aged five and seven. This woman is 28.
From what I can tell their affair only lasted six months and fizzled out. When she wanted to rekindle their relationship recently he rejected her.
In a fury she told me – for revenge.
Now he says he wants nothing more to do with her. But I’m devastated.
I thought we were happy together and had a good relationship until this bombshell hit.
My partner has blamed drugs for his affair and I’ve also learned he has been taking drugs for six years behind my back using our money from our joint bank account.
We struggle to make ends meet most months, so this is another kick in the teeth.
He can’t give me any answers as to why he cheated on me. He could only say that it was a mistake, and he can’t remember much about it as it was so long ago.
Yet I know around that time our son was 18 months old and I was heavily pregnant with our second child.
I don’t want to break our family up, but I can’t stop thinking about him and this girl. And even if his affair has ended, he’s still taking drugs and wasting our money.
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I have zero trust in him as he has lied to me for so long.
How do I get past this?
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DEIDRE SAYS: It is bad enough to hear about your partner’s affair, but to hear it from his lover must have been devastating.
Trust takes time to build but can be destroyed in a heartbeat.
Talk about why he was tempted to stray. Was it just distance and opportunity?
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? shows how you can be stronger than before if you still love one another and are willing to rebuild your relationship.
But before you can do this insist he seeks help for his drug habit because it is damaging all of you. You should both contact FRANK (www.talktofrank.com).
You have your children to consider, and they suffer a lot when there is tension at home so do all you can to sort things out, if only for their sake to start with.
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