Amanda Holden chokes up as she recalls holding stillborn son after giving birth
Amanda Holden choked up as she opened up about giving birth to her stillborn baby boy.
The Britain’s Got Talent judge was seven months pregnant with second child Theo, in 2011, when she suffered a heartwrenching loss.
Appearing on Dear NHS Superstars, a BBC special praising NHS staff, the 49-year-old explained she went into hospital after noticing that she hadn’t felt him kick for most of the night.
She saw midwife and close friend Jackie, who took her in for a check-up.
‘She told me later that she couldn’t hear a heartbeat, and she opened the door and she went out and collapsed in the hallway,’ she said.
An obstetrician was on hand to give a second opinion as the midwife explained she couldn’t hear the heartbeat.
‘Then I heard this terrible noise, this sort of screaming, guttural screaming. And it was the most bizarre thing that’s ever happened to me because it was me,’ Amanda continued. ‘And I didn’t know I was doing it. I just had no control over myself.
‘I thought it was somebody in another room making the noise, screaming and crying.’
Baby Theo had tragically died in the womb, but because of the advancement of her pregnancy, the ITV host was told she would have to give birth to him.
‘I opted to go for a C-section because I just did not think I could go through a natural labour,’ she said, describing the ordeal as ‘beyond horrific’.
‘Because you know that at the end, a fully formed little baby with absolutely nothing wrong with him apart from being asleep, is going to come out.
‘And again, all the way through it, I said, “No, I can’t hold it, I can’t hold it. I can’t hold a dead baby”.
‘I was absolutely terrified.
‘Just as baby was going to come out, my husband Chris had to leave the room. He couldn’t bear it.’
Her midwife wrapped Theo – who weighed just three pounds at birth – up in a blanket, but Amanda revealed she still didn’t feel as if she could hold her little one.
‘Jackie said, “He’s absolutely gorgeous, Amanda. You need to see him”, and that’s when I felt him in my arms for the first time and realised I was still a mummy, even though he was fast asleep,’ she told the camera.
‘The thing that I always remember most about him was his perfectly-formed eyebrows, which all my children have.’
They decided to take home a memento of his footsteps, a lock of his hair and the blanket he was born into.
Amanda ended her segment by heaping praise on the staff at West Middlesex Hospital for being so kind and compassionate in her time of need.
‘I’ll do anything for that hospital,’ she added. ‘Because that’s where my son was born and that’s where we were treated with such care.
‘Like we were family members is the best way to describe it.’
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